I feel like a need a break from this TTC journey, but I am afraid to stop. I keep thinking that if I don’t get pregnant soon the polyps will grow back and I will have gone thru the surgeries the MC and everything else for nothing.
I’m afraid if I take a break that I will never get pregnant. I am also afraid to move forward. I keep thinking that if I don’t pregnant then I can keep trying and I don’t have to worry because I’m not pregnant and that means I can’t be hurt, because I have nothing to lose. I’m afraid to move forward because I don’t know if I can handle the thought of another MC. I’m afraid to move forward because what if this does not work and the next step IUI or IVF. I can’t afford either of those options and my insurance does not cover it.
How can I get over my fears? How can I move forward? Do I want to?
I feel a little better. Sometimes it helps to voice your fears. Does voicing your fears make them come true any more than not saying a thing? I think not. God does what God does.
I recently read a blog by a woman who was saying she was taking a break but she felt that this was going to be the month because the equinox is this weekend and the moon will be the closest it’s been to the earth in I don’t know how long. I’m not sure if the moon will affect my fertility, but I am not going to chance it.
All I can do is pray, pray and pray for a child. I’m obsessed with having a child. I have become an expert on cervical mucus. I am obsessed with taking my temperature. Last and certainly not least I am addicted to fertility drugs, but what woman who is infertile is not.
We are a unique bunch of women. We check cervical mucus, we temp, and we do aerobatic’s after sex. If you told us eating curry while standing on our head and singing show tunes would get us pregnant, their would be millions of women around the world doing just that. If that was the case I would do it every day for the rest of my little eggie’s lives. So pray that the Moon and curry does its job this month. I will be singing show tunes all week and I will keep praying. he he he