Feeling...Feeling...Feeling...

I am feeling....feeling.....feeling. I don't really know how to put it into words I feel tired, exasperated, hopeful, I feel to small for my body, I feel like my head is underwater, I feel like my life is on a downward spiral and I can't pull out. Some people say "oh you can do it if you just relax" it does not always happen. Most people don't understand what I am going thru, they think it's something you can take a pill for and everything will be all right. But it won't! I have tried and tried and I don't want to give up yet, but it might be time. It's not my choice it's my body's choice and I might just have to live with it. So we take a break, it's stress other's say. But is it? Have I been stressed out for 12 years? I don't think so, I feel stressed out now with the thought of stopping, I feel stressed out with the stuff we do for Steve's family. I feel like all I do is for others and nothing for me, my marriage and my family (as small as it is). I don't think that having a child is what I have to do, it's something that I have wanted to do. To make a difference in a child's life. I hope I make a difference in my nieces and nephew's lives, but you can never be too sure. Do I give up or do I trudge on? That is the questions.