Classes 16 - 32

Class 16 was all about Celebrating the Real You and keeping the commitment to yourself and changing your life by making weight loss and health goals.

Class 17: Tipping the weight loss schedule in your favor by following the energy balance equation to help restart your weight loss or maintain your results or bust thru a barrier.

Class 18: Filling up on the right foods like fresh fruits and veggies instead of processed foods.

Class 19:What you need to do when dining out. Example look at the menu before you get to the restaurant, have a light snack before you go, have sparkling water instead of sugar loaded drinks, and limited yourself to one drink.

Class 20: All about tracking to help you stay on track of your goals. Tracking food, water and exercise.

Class 21: Staying active will help you with your weight loss goals.

Class 22: Don't let your sweet tooth sour your weight loss goals! Instead, tame your sugar habit so you can still enjoy treats.

Class 23: 4 Steps to help solve weight loss problems.

Class 24:  Shaving calories off food to lose weight and still be able to indulge.

Class 25:  How to silence your inner critic and be more kind to yourself. You are your own worst enemy.

Class 26:  All About Meal Planning

Class 27:  Short cuts for slimming meals

Class 28:  Stop weight loss sabotage, and the trash talk that people do when you are on a weight-loss program.

Class 29: Managing your weight and time by scheduling your shopping trips, meal planning and exercise.

Class 30:  Getting back on track when you relapse.

Class 31:  Getting stronger and leaner by strength training.

Class 32:  How to party off the pounds and not blow your calorie sweet spot.

Class 33:  Being a successful loser with the top 10 habits.

Class 34:  Having a good body image has a huge impact on your weight loss success.

Class 35:  Do Fitness foods help or hurt weight loss?

So I have lost a total of 58 lbs at this stage of the game and I only have 21 more pounds to go. I am working on becoming leaner by strength training because lean muscle burns more calories.

Real Appeal and my First Class

1st Real Appeal Class

I started out by just tracking everything I ate. I did not change anything I ate but logged it ALL. The biggest shocker that I had was the amount of calories that I was consuming. My first day tracking I consumed 2,260 calories. So on December 13, 2016 I started changing my diet. This was also the day I received my package from Real Appeal. To be honest I was so excited about the program and this box of goodies only made it so much better. I received a food and weight scale with a recipe book, workout video with exercise bands and workout guide, tape measure, blender, plate, and measuring spoons and cups as well as the first seasons books.

Thursday came and I could not wait for class. Our instructor was so supportive and the rest of my classmates were great and so supportive too. We talked all about what we were looking for from Real Appeal. Were we looking to fit into an old pair of jeans or take our health more seriously. Me I wanted to lose weight and find me again.

Session 2 was all about exercise and getting moving to help lose more weight. So we talked about exercise and what gets us motivated to exercise. I felt like I did not fit in at this point. I don't like to exercise and nothing was motivating me to want to exercise. Until I started to see the weight come off faster when I exercised as apposed to when I did nothing.

Session 3 & 4 were all about Losing weight without feeling and hungry and design our own meals. At this point I was trying to just use Real Appeal recipes but when they had a guest chef on the class for the night it was great I went to the library and check out his books and eventually bought some of them on Amazon. I was missing pasta and the books had a great homemade pasta recipe.

Session 5 was about conquering cravings and emotional eating. I just found that I had to watch my snacks and the cravings for chocolate. But if I substituted them with something healthy or just had to have it, I would eat a little bit. This session helped a whole lot.

Session 6 helped me with my shopping. Making sure when I went to the store that I was buying the right things teaching me how to read labels and staying away from some of the processed foods has helped a lot. Cooking at home has been the biggest help in my diet. I know what is in my food, because I put it there.

Session 7 was great it helped me set up my kitchen so it was easier to lose weight. I cleaned all the cabinets, fridge and freezers out only keeping food that was not expired. I made myself a snack shelf and put my husbands snacks up higher so they were not in plain sight and I would not be tempted to eat them.

Session 8 was about managing your stress to help lose more weight. We talked about stress at home and work and ways to lessen it.

Session 9 was about Junk Food. I still struggle with Junk food I still love chocolate and sweets but my palate has changed a little and I still will indulge and have a little treat every so often but not all of the time. If we go out to eat I will sometimes order dessert but only eat a small piece and take the rest home for later.

Session 10 was about moving more to lose weight. It talked about getting up and doing more things to burn calories. Like standing while your are folding laundry and having to bend over to put the clothes in the basket. Parking farther in the parking lot or doing exercise at your desk at work.

Session 11 ..ZZZZ. Sleep It was about getting enough sleep. Making sure to get enough ZZZ at night can help with weight loss.

Session 12: Was about plateaus and how to get motivated and get the scale moving again if you hit one.

Session 13 & 14 were great all about going out to eat and still losing weight and staying on track when you have a party, weekend or vacation to go to. By looking at a restaurant menu and picking out what you want to eat before or eating a snack before going to the restaurant. This helped me so much when we went on Vacation.

Session 15 was great! All about supersizing your nutrition by eating the servings of fruits and veggies that you need and cutting out junk food. Using grains and other protein to help keep you full.

That was the first 15 weeks of my program. At this point I weight 216 lbs. I had lost 28 lbs. But that is only the beginning. Soon the next 15 weeks of my program and then I will have it up to date. Stay tuned.

Real Appeal Sign Up!

As of November 17, 2016 I started a life changing, diet and exercise program. It is called Real Appeal! This program has changed the way I look at food, exercise, how I shop for food, manage my moods and so much more. As of Today, May 16, 2017, I have lost 48 lbs.

It probably started as any other journey starts, in the Doctors office. My doctor was speaking to me about my weight telling me I really needed to lose weight. "So how do I do that?" oh' you just change your eating habits and exercise more. I ask again "So what should I do?". I received the same advise over and over from every doctor I have ever spoken too about my weight. The same thing Diet and Exercise. Like a broken record or maybe something that they learned in class. Tell all overweight patients Diet & Exercise will magically change your weight, but without a plan it does not help. I needed a detailed plan to help get me started. Telling me to Diet & Exercise is not going to help me, I needed a plan that was not going to send me into bankruptcy.

One of the Girls in our office had hired herself a trainer so I could see what it was doing for her, I checked out the cost. OMG it was so out of my price range, that was not going to help me. So I put it off and pretended that everything was going great. (I'm real good at it too). One day our boss emailed us a program that work was supporting, at no cost to me, my insurance would cover this. I was a little hesitant to start, I thought to myself, "what if they come back later and charge me or try to sell me more that is not covered by my insurance". So I waited.....

One of my coworkers signed up for the program and I grilled her all about it. She just loved it and all the free stuff that she got was just the icing on the cake (more on this later). She was losing weight and feeling so much better. So I went online and signed up and waited for Real Appeal to contact me....

They set up a online meeting (one of many) and we went into detail about my lifestyle, eating habits, my weight (gulp 244 lbs), and my goals. My original plan was to get my weight to 175 I thought that would be a good weight but the counselor talked me into going down to 165. So that is my goal 165.

So she got me all signed up on the website, with my login, and encouraged me to check it out. She told me to add my profile pictures, logging my measurements, start choosing my nutritional plan and to check out the 1st session video. She also encourage me to start looking at what I was eating and begin tracking my food, water and exercise.

My next blog will talk about my experience with my first on line class and some of the materiel that was covered Stay Tuned....

To learn more about Real Appeal check out the website....

Real Appeal

Freak Day

Outside....
So the day after our freak 70° day I decide to go for a walk to admire the beauty...

 Try not to get lost, the Moss grows all around this Tree.

 No Green yet, but plenty of Red!

 The Dry husks of summer.

 The Gray of the Day!

 And in the distance the light house.

 Careful hunters are about!

A Whole Year...

It's a week shy of being a whole year since I even looked at my blog. Well... the past year has been a rollercoaster ride of medical tests, tough decisions and making my life better.

1. We have given up on ever having children.
2. I have put my myself and my family first in my life.
3. I have started a diet and exercise program.
4. I have tried yoga.
5. I am working on making a gift a month for next Christmas.

We will see what this year has to offer, it can't be worse than the last. It's a fine line between choosing Hope or Despair. I chose HOPE!

Sewing Saturday

Well, Saturday's are filled with many children at the house running around while, Mom, my sister and I try to get 8 dresses done in time for the first event of the season which will be The 2015 Lincoln Funeral Coalition on the first weekend of May. Wish us luck!

Wedding...and Other Projects!

My sisters is getting married this Friday and I am in such a tissey. I have finished the flowers for the guys and the parents but I still need to finish my sisters bouquet and my own. The flower girl will have a small bouquet (at her request). She is 2 and know's what she wants.

Other than that it has been pretty quiet. Thanksgiving was wonderful, my younger sister had it at her house and we all had a wonderful time. I wish we could get together more often. We are planning on having Christmas at my house since Sarah has to pick up her oldest from his fathers house on Christmas day so that is when we are planning on having Christmas. 

We did have a wonderful one week vacation in Florida in the begining of November. I really did not want to come back to all of this cold weather.

I have recently finished many knitting projects and want to start on some sewing project this winter. The plan is to have knitting projects going while I watch TV in the evenings and have at least one sewing project for weekends. I do have a couple of furniture projects that I want to work on as well, but that will require me to be in the garage or to bring it in the basement of the house. We will just have to see how ambitious I am.

Summer Fair

This weekend is going to be a weekend of fun and frivolity. We have a Civil War event in Waukanda. It should be a ball even though two of our friends will not be able to attend due to stomach problems. It may also be sad because this may be the last weekend that the girls will get to reenact because they are moving to Oregon. Who in there right mind moves with out a job or any support system to help them out? I'll tell you my nieces Dad. All they are going to have is each other, their dad and his girlfriend and her family. After everything in the last year that those girls have gone threw they need their family. Here is hoping all goes well. have a great weekend and be wonderful to everyone!

Long time gone....

Well a lot of my plants died after this long and brutal winter. I lost 3 lavendar plants, a tree, sage, anis, lemon balm and a rose bush. Why couldn't the mint die. Nope it has to be something more imporant to me.

Ok, let's start all over.

I have been super busy this last few months. We went on a great vacation to the dells in October for my birthday.

Did some great work on the house, painted the porches, painted the beam in the living room, and added a few new windows.

I am so happy with the progress on the house. We also painted the garage. Now as you can see we still have a few more window's left to do. Thirty One at my last count. We did seven this last time. We also want to put new screen doors on the house. I still would like to remodel the kitchen and do a few other projects. I have also been busy with Christmas projects. I am trying to make as many as I can for Christmas. I have made almost one for each person on my list. I won't go into any details here, but I will post pictures of everyone enjoying there gifts.

You can't see the forest for the trees...

Well, the elm in the back yard is dying.

 The Picture on the left was taken in the beginning of July, the picture on the right was taken on August 19. I am sad that such a huge tree is dying but, happy because I now will not have to move my garden next year like I was planning. So Good bye grand old elm, Hello yummy vegetables...

A New Beginning...

I am now calling a ban on all family drama, no more will I let it effect my life. Other people's drama is their business and not mine, I will not own other's problems. I will concern myself with my own problems and my hubbies. The last years have been a combination of other peoples problems as well as my struggle with infertility. I have pushed my problems to the side to be dealt with at another time because I have always put other's before myself, NO MORE!

Last night for the first time in a long time I felt like cooking, and what happened? I made two batches of spaghetti sauce, 2 meatloaf's and a pan of rice crispy treats. It felt good.... I woke up this morning a little more tired but as the day progressed I felt good...

I have decided that I love that feeling and want it to continue. So the plan is to write to my sister and respond to her letter and to then get on with my life. The letter is hanging heavily on my heart. If she writes back I will deal with that as it comes but I will live my life for me.

Well All's Ready!

We have finished cleaning up my Mother-in-law's house and have it all ready to up for sale. We do need to trim some bushes in front of the house. We will do that this weekend. We still need to get my sewing machine out of the basement but that will have to wait until Steve can get some help with it. Still don't know where I will put it, but I will find room.

I almost have my life back, almost, there is always a "but" and "almost". I am working on doing things for myself and my husband but I am finding it hard not to think of all of the problems in my family. I will figure it out I always do.

Free positive thought of the day... complain less, breathe more....

Stop the Ride I want to get off!

Well since last I posted we have finished boxing up the items from my in-law's house and have taken the items to Cousin Vinny's, we have contracted a electrician, roofer and someone to replace the carpet in two of the downstairs rooms plus the hallway. We have one light fixture to replace, and the garage and 1/2 of the addition roof to replace. Last night we ripped up the carpet and padding with the help of a friend. We have delivered most of the items that were left in the house to the people they go to. We still have the lifting recliner, a piano, and one entertainment center. I do have a few boxes of stuff to get out of the house but they are all things that Steve and his siblings need to go thru. I do need to pick up my sewing machine from the basement, but right now I am not even sure where I will put it, but it does need to get out of the house, so we can get it cleaned, appraised and put up on the market to sell.

On another note the water heater at our home took a dump. I am waiting for a call from the plumber so I can let them in the house to either fix it or give us a quote on replacing it. I am kind of hoping for a new one since whenever I have to drain it out of the bottom the water comes out all rusty. I think it is time for a new one.

We have also been having family problems, nope not with Steve's family and the house, it's with mine. Why couldn't I have been an only child? Of course if you ask an only child about that they want tons of siblings. Well after the last couple of weeks I could do without at least one of them. I do love my sisters but...there is always a but...I don't know how much more I can take. I am tired of cleaning up other people garbage and baggage. I feel like I was so close to getting my life back, just a fraction of an inch and now it has been all swept away. Back to cleaning up other peoples problems and taking care of them. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Incredibly Busy!

We have just finished the first stage in getting thru my mother & father in law's estate. We had the estate sale this last weekend and it was a madhouse on Friday. They were like vultures and the things that I sold blew my mind. I sold boxes of old nails, glass jars and plates, old tables that were rusted and had not seen the light of day in years, old shelving units that had duct tape holding them together the list goes on and on. Some of the things had been in the basement since the dawn of time and had little prehistoric bugs in them. Sold it and did not charge extra for the bugs, dirt and cobwebs, but maybe I should have.

Well the next step is to box up the remaining items and send off to Cousin Vinny's. There are a few things we are still trying to sell on Craig's List like the piano, couch, and a lifting recliner. I was also going to try and sell the kitchen aid and the more I think about it the more I think we need to have it for the holiday's when we have people over so we can bake more. I think I deserve to have it after all the work that I put into the sale.

After that we will be putting their house on the market hopefully we will be able to sell it real quick then it's time to start my life. Yes, I do mean start I have been thinking about this we really have not had a life we have been taking care of my in-law's our whole marriage. Well now it is time to start living!!!

Spring

I can seen the first sign's of spring just outside my window. The daffodils have been sprouting for the last couple of week's. No buds yet but we will get there. But the rain, we have had more rain than sun in the last couple of week's I feel like a duck...

Feeling...Feeling...Feeling...

I am feeling....feeling.....feeling. I don't really know how to put it into words I feel tired, exasperated, hopeful, I feel to small for my body, I feel like my head is underwater, I feel like my life is on a downward spiral and I can't pull out. Some people say "oh you can do it if you just relax" it does not always happen. Most people don't understand what I am going thru, they think it's something you can take a pill for and everything will be all right. But it won't! I have tried and tried and I don't want to give up yet, but it might be time. It's not my choice it's my body's choice and I might just have to live with it. So we take a break, it's stress other's say. But is it? Have I been stressed out for 12 years? I don't think so, I feel stressed out now with the thought of stopping, I feel stressed out with the stuff we do for Steve's family. I feel like all I do is for others and nothing for me, my marriage and my family (as small as it is). I don't think that having a child is what I have to do, it's something that I have wanted to do. To make a difference in a child's life. I hope I make a difference in my nieces and nephew's lives, but you can never be too sure. Do I give up or do I trudge on? That is the questions.

Dr. Appointment

I am going in for a blood draw today to find out if I am pregnant. I am praying that I am, but I am also trying not to get my hopes up too high and the crash to earth could kill me. I have been analyzing every little twinge  twitch and nudge, and when I say every little thing I mean it. I want this to happen so bad, but I also remember what I felt like last time it did not happen I did not feel any better until Steve said, we would try one more time. Well this is it, but I don't want to get off the ride, I'm not ready yet. The only problem is I may not have a choice.

Snowing

It's snowing right now, not that it's going to kill me kind of snow that is flying sideways but that Charlie Brown kind of snow that just drifts down from the sky...

Long Time..

I know I was getting so good and writing once a week and look what happened. Well I did not get pregnant so after a good cry we decided to do another round of IUI. We are currently on day 10 and I go in for another ultra sound on Wednesday. All I can hope for is another great ultra sound with as many little folicals as I had last time. But hopefully we will have a little one by the end of this instead of a great disappointment. Keep me in your prayers.

Waiting...It's Killing Me!

This waiting is killing me, and the emotional mood swings are just plain nuts. During most of this cycle I have felt like this is where we are suppose to be and that I would be "ok" with anything that happened. I woke up this morning almost in a panic, I so want this to happen I cried and finally mellowed out. Now I just feel numb I have given my blood, sweat and tears for this to happen. "Literally" I have given more blood to this doctor than all of my other doctors combined. I even feel like I have given more than I have to the Red Cross (which is probably true because I have only been able to donate to the Red Cross once due to low iron levels) but still that's not the point. I keep looking everywhere for a sign that this will happen.


PLEASE GOD MAKE THIS HAPPEN!

Waiting...Waiting...Waiting...

After my ultrasound on Tuesday I had 3 mature eggs. So on Wednesday, Steve gave me my shot. Friday they did the insemination  Steve's numbers are great even with all of the stress we have been under with my Mother in Law passing away. Now we wait until Friday for my blood work. So now we wait, but I am not nervous I am anxiously awaiting my tests. I just can't wait. I do feel like everything is falling in place I feel like this is what God wants for us. I feel like he did not want us to have to take care of Joyce and a child, maybe he was waiting for her to join Vern to give us a child. I feel so good, so like this is where we are supposed to be.

2nd Ultra Sound!

Just got back from my 2^nd ultra sound, we will be taking our shot tonight and doing the IUI on Friday at 10:00 am. Keep us in your prayers.

I was at the library last night with my knitting sisters group and when I told them what we were doing today, they asked if it would be alright if we prayed about it. I was so moved that they wanted to do this for me. I have a very good feeling about this whole cycle, with everything starting with the date of dad’s death, the prayers with the knitting group, I feel so positive, I feel like I have dad up there working for me and my friends and family down here working for me as well, It will be a good cycle, and to think that it could all start on Steve's Birthday!

Thanks and have a great day!

A Weekend of Sewing...

Look it's Lilly, helping us make her diappers.

 Soakers!

 Look I can't wait until I am big enough to wear my diapers!

I spent last weekend with my sister sewing diapers for my niece, they are so cute. I hope my sister enjoyed the day as much as I did. To spend time with my sister was so much fun, I hope we are able to do this again.

Package

I just recieved my box of drugs today for our IUI. I am so excited I just can't wait to start. I hope that everything goes and it should.

Excited and Scared!

On Monday I went in for an ultra sound to see if we would be able to start our first cycle of IUI. Well my ovaries looked good they could see where the old cyst was but otherwise they look great. My lining was a little thick but they decided that we would be able to start our first cycle this month. So I am currently taking Letrozole which is like Clomid. Letrozole does not thin out your lining like Clomid does and you have less of a chance of multiples with Letrozole. We will then go in for a mid cycle ultrasound around January 30. Depending on what my follicles look like, will determine if we will administer the HCG shot or if we will have to wait. After we administer the HCG shot we will do the insemination some time in the next 36 hours. I will then have to take a progesterone suppository until I either get my period or we get a positive pregnancy test. The doctor did not say how long I would need to stay on the suppository, but from what I have read some people think it helps prevent miscarriage, but there are no studies that support this. I am so excited and scared! I am excited that we are finally starting the process that could help us increase our family, I am scared that this may be the last chance. So wish us luck and keep us in your prayers.

My New Phone

Oh, I have the best hubby in the world. We both needed new phones, so we went to Best Buy. He asked me what I wanted, I told him the only thing I cared about was having my music on my phone. So he picked out the iphone 5. I'ts so cool, I have my calendar on it, facebook, e-mail and a whole lot of other things. I have yet to load my music on yet but I will get to it!

We Wish You A Merry Cyst-mas!

Well I had a Doctor's appoint Monday so we could get cleared to start IUI, and as to be expected we have to wait another month to start. Now instead of a cyst on my right ovary it is on my left. Well the Doctor has put me on birth control to get rid of the cyst and to prevent any more from starting. Well it's day 11 and another 17 days to wait. We will see what happens.

Middle Names

My sister just sent me a survey about Middle Names last year and I just got another one yesterday but, what if you don't have a middle name, like me? Huh does that mean that I can put any answer down that I want, or does that mean that I can't participate. I think I've been gypped. I want retribution. Halloween is over and I missed it. Oh wait it's almost Christmas.




Merry Christmas Charlie Brown.



Hark the harold angles sing....

Gardens and Thanksgiving

So all the gardens have been put to bed for the winter. The only thing left to do is to dump the pots of potatoes, but I can not do it by myself. I wanted to do it this last weekend but I was having issues with my shoulder so that was off.

Thanksgiving
 Well I am just glad that I made it thru Thanksgiving. I served the 1st Thanksgiving at my house for my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and niece. It went as well as it could with my mother-in-law in my house. The outright lies that she was telling was just a little to much and the interruptions, I could have done with out.

2nd Thanksgiving was at my Mother's house and it was a mad house. Everyone one was assigned a dish to bring and I was the only one who actually made theirs at home and brought it to mom's house was me. Everyone else tried to make it at my mom's. Like I said a total Mad House and to top it all off my brother-in-law had a fit about something and my sister and he left without saying goodbye.

I am Thankful for my husband and my home, but I want to be thankful for so much more. It does not feel like Christmas is coming, after my brother-in-law said he did not want to exchange gifts from the adults because Christmas is for children. I don't exchange gifts because I want to get something I do it for the feeling I get, the look on that special person's face, I do it because I love to give.

Torn

I am torn, do I feel happy for my niece or do I continue to feel downtrodden and sad. Sometimes I feel like if I even try to be happy something is going to happen to push me back down, but I am normally a very happy person, so this up and down is driving me mad! I don't want to feel downtrodden and low but I hate, hate, hate this up and down feeling. I want to be happy, it is my natural state, Corin says that I am the sun and that I need to nurture and when other people are pregnant I feel this need the most. I want to stay in the sun and help not feel like I am down in the mud under a rock. I want to shine and be happy.

Steve and I had a really long talk last night, we did not talk about the IUI but we did talk about the baby and the miscarriage. He never really seamed like he wanted to talk about if after the first couple of days after we lost the baby. But, last night I told him I had seen Ally's post on facebook and he said he thought that was the case. He told me he has know about the pregnancy for about a month and he did not think Ally would announce it on facebook so soon. He has been struggling with a lot this last month, his mother, Ally's pregnancy, my surgery and how to tell me about Ally. I wish he would have just told me so it would not have been such a shock but I do understand how hard it can be to tell someone you love something and know that no matter how hard you try it is going to hurt that person. Steve also told me that when we were pregnant before that he was scared to death and panicky because he wanted to be able to provide for our child and give it whatever it needed and he was not sure that he would be able to do that. He said he was even thinking about getting a second job and when I told him that the doctor wanted me to go in for an ultrasound because she was concerned that it may be twins he went in to full panic mode. You never would have been able to tell, I could not even tell and I am normally very observant when it comes to Steve. I know I was in seventh heaven because I though that the time had finally come, maybe I was just too focused on myself and the pregnancy to notice. Well, next time I will be a little more observant. He said he was not sure if he was ready to be a parent, I told him, I have seen you with the nieces and nephews you love them and take great care of them, you would be a great parent. I also reminded him that when Ally was a baby he practically raised her because she was at his parents house so much and she turned out great.

I hope we decide to go thru with the IUI because if we don't it will be very hard on me to think that it is time to give up. I am a fighter and I hate to give up. I am the sun and need to shine.

Surgery

Ok, had surgery last week Tuesday and ended up staying home the rest of the week because I was so sore. I was just starting to feel optimistic and what happens my nieces gets pregnant. I am not feeling very optimistic that it will happen for me. I keep feeling that every time I start to feel like it could happen for us some just pushes me down and says it's not your turn yet.

Not Good

So the Dr. appointment on Monday did not go as well as I would have liked. It was painful and only told me that I needed to have surgery again to have polpys removed. I have so many mixed feelings about everything right now. Is this what I want? I know I want a child but why does if have to be sooo hard? With my sisters all the guy had to do was hang his pants on the bed post and "oh look hunny were preganant." I feel broken and I'm not sure I can be fixed. Last week I felt positive, this week not so much.

Real Hard

Tomorrow is going to be hard, I just know it. Luckily I don't have knitting night at the library, too many people will be gone so we canceled it. I do have to work tomorrow, I know I should have taken the day off but I simply forgot how close the day was. I knew it was coming real soon but I kept thinking oh I have time and now look it's tomorrow. Some people might think, she's wants to take the day off for that! It's not that I want to its more like I need to. I need to be able to morn in my own way, I do have that Dr. appointment today and I am praying that it will be good news so I can stay positive. That is something that I really need right now. I do feel better about the whole thing, I don't cry about it as much, but there are days I have to use my little feel better routine way more than I want to.

My friend Corin sat down with me at the last Civil War event and said that I had been hovering around his tent. I did admit that I was, but at the time it took me awhile to admit that. We were talking about my sister who is currently with a loser who is in rehab and who stole from my mother and for me that is unforgivable. Corin told me that some time this year or it may have happened already my sister will be pregnant with loser boy's kid. Now let me tell you this was not what I wanted to hear. I told him, half hearted and all earnest, what would it cost for you to say that about me? (background info, Corin has predicted the conception of the last two of my sisters kids.) He asked me what I wished for. I told him I wanted a child. He then asked me what I would be willing to pay for a child. I was not really sure what he was referring to so he then told me to go and speak with Jill and ask her what he had done for her. (I won't go into that conversation since that is Jill's story and not mine to tell) But it was amazing is all I can say. I went back to Corin and we talked he asked about the problems I have had with my sisters pregnancy's. I told him of the black hole with no sound, that I felt in my heart. We worked out some of that problem with an exercise that helped me to change that black hole into a giggling baby laugh that looks like a pink rose. I rub my pointer finger and thumb together anytime I feel the need and think of the giggling baby laugh that looks like a pink rose, and I feel better. It may not help me get pregnant but it makes me laugh and feel better about everything. I don't feel so lost when I think about it. I feel like there may be chance that I could happen for us.

So, I know tomorrow will be hard, but I have my laughing pink rose to keep my spirits up.

Dr. Appointment

I have another Dr. Appointment today at 3:45 pm. Wish me luck, and I hope the cyst is gone.

Disapoinment!

Well, yesterday's Dr. appointment did not go as well as I would have liked. The blood draw for my hormone tests went well, but the ultra sound not so much. The Dr. found a cyst on my right ovary. So that means we can not do the Clomid test this month. The Dr. wants me to wait a month for the cyst to go away and then next month we will do another ultra sound to check out my ovaries, if there are no cysts we will draw more blood to redo the hormone tests and continue on with the Clomid Test and the sonogram with the saline injection. The hard part of all of this is the waiting, I am so impatient.

Regarding the Cyst, there is nothing that the Dr. can give me to make it go away, it has to go away on its own. The Cyst is considered a functioning cyst, meaning that it was probably an unreleased egg follicle that did not break down after my last cycle. So I wonder if this is what happens to me when I am not on Clomid?  Does my body create the egg and just not let it go, therefor no ovulation resulting in lack of pregnancy? I think I will have to ask the Dr. that when I call in for my next dose of prevera. What if that is all that is really wrong, my body not wanting to let go. Does this mean that my ovaries have a phobia, Atychiphobia. Great my ovaries need a shrink, they are afraid of failure. I hate to break it to you my little ovary, but in not letting go of that little egg you are failing, so woman up and let go already. I will be checking up on you again next month so get with the program!

Dying, Dying, Dying

I am going to a class this Saturday at the Lake County Fair Grounds and taking a class on dying fibers. I am so excited about this I just can't wait to do this. I have dabbled in dying once or twice but that was with the comercial dye you can buy at the store. This is with Natural materials. The class will focus on Purple but I should be able to figure out how to do other colors with all of the information that the teacher is going to give us. Now to get the plants that I will need for dying. Oh and they will have a whole lot of vendor's there so maybe I will come home with some more yarn. mmmmmm. Don't worry I will take plenty of pictures.

Gardens

Well the gardens are looking real good. I recently purchased flowers for my hanging baskets and I just love them they are a bright pink and I chose some sweet potato vines in a light green for a little something extra.

I have 3 baby tomato's.

Beets, Onions, Lettus, Carrots, 2 Row of Beans

I just love gardening, it may not look like a lot but it makes me happy!

 Can't forget the potatoes!